…you could see what I see when I look at you. – Kobi Yamada
Heartache.
I’ve noticed in so many of my descriptions of my fav images I use the word simple. I’d use it here too. And though before starting my One Year Anniversary Image and Inspiration Extravaganza (what a mouthful) I would have never thought of or described my ‘style’ as simple… but I love that notion now. I’ve loved from the get-go the look on people’s face as they look through their gallery or other images, because I know, as I’ve said before, they’re seeing exactly what I am seeing or something COMPLETELY different. That’s part of the beauty in photography, it can be yours and it can be mine all at the same time… in meaning and in expression. So take this for what you like… two whole hearts and one broken one… I think its obvious my interpretation… but feel free to love it for whatever yours is.
So until about 20 days ago I thought my favorite book ever was called ‘Love is a MixED tape’… apparently I wasn’t so concerned about the title as the content. I suppose he’s published so Rob Sheffield knows the proper terminology is ‘mix’ not ‘mixed’… I’ll take his word on it. :)
Anyone who has been keeping up knows of my love affair with music. I had to have made about a thousand mix tapes when I was growing up… I still keep my mix CD’s and sometimes get reminiscent and pop them in and I know EXACTLY where I was emotionally at the time… I knew this when I made them so I labeled them just with month and year. I knew I’d know exactly where my head was at the time. This book is a memoir… which is my favorite type of book… that pieces through the sadness of moving on or attempting to move on after the death of a spouse. Something I know nothing of, and never wish to know. But it does so in a way that Renee (Rob’s wife who passed) becomes the symbol of any love lost and it walks through their love, marriage and the numbing post death stories as related to mix tapes that Rob lined up with his emotions. It is smart, it is touching, it is devastating, but it is promising. Again, like Elizabeth Gilbert and Eat Pray Love, I can associate with Rob’s style of writing which of course is part of my love of the book, but it is in his words and only his words I’ve ever felt the true emotion is truly transported from each letter into my heart and head. I have this very idealistic view of love, I admittedly watch too many romantic comedies, but have trouble expressing what I see as perfect love… because it is so individual, it is so quirky but I believe attainable. Rob makes me feel like this type of love does exist, it will happen and that all of us, whether we get it for a lifetime or for just a week, should pine after and expect it.
Now these are suppose to be about inspirations… the opening post of this month made it clear, these are not simply photography or business inspirations, they are however inspirations that keep those things in line but may do so by inspiring other parts of me. This is a prime example of that… I look to this book as the epitome of a life. Love must be we all aspire to… I truly believe this. And though Rob Sheffield, came, saw and went in the love department, he speaks of it so full of life that Renee can never be gone, his LOVE can never be lost. I have the rather awesome task of documenting times in peoples’ lives that are just that… all about LOVE and through my photos paired with your own memories may these times of LOVE never be lost.
The book is amazing… please read it… here are some of my favorite quotes (again, much better in context even) :
- ‘She worried too much what people thought of her, wore her heart on her sleeve, expected too much from people and got hurt too easily. She kept other people’s secrets like a champ, but told her own too fast. She expected the world not to cheat her and was always surprised when it did.’
- ‘It was surprising to see how relieved she seemed whenever I told her how amazing she was. I wanted her to feel strong and free. She was beautiful when she was free.’
- I thought, there is nowhere else in the universe I would rather be at this moment. I could count the places I’ve always wanted to see, New Zealand, but I’d rather be here. The majestic ruins of Machu Picchu? I’d rather be here. A hillside in Cuenca, Spain sipping coffee and watching leaves fall? Not even close. There is no where else I could imagine wanting to be besides here in this car, with this girl, on this road, listening to this song. If she breaks my heart, no matter what hell she puts me through, I can say it was worth it, just because of right now. Out the window is a blur and all I can really hear is a girl’s hair flapping in the wind, and maybe if we drive fast enough the universe will lose track of us and forget to stick us somewhere else.’
- ‘That was always my most intense fear about getting married: when everything sucked and I was by myself, I thought, well at least I don’t have another miserable person to worry about.’
- ‘We were just a couple of fallen angels, rolling the dice of our lives.’
- ‘Ruby put the ‘freak’ in “frequently drunk and belligerent”‘ hahhaha. :)
- About what they fought about: ’Money. One of us was a scrimp-and-saver, the other was a big spender. Neither of us was what was known as an ‘earner’.’
- Right after Renee’s death… implying he’s like the bridge now: ’On he way we talked about the road sign ‘Bridge ices before road.’ I always wondered, if that’s a problem, why don’t they just build the bridge out of the same stuff they use to build the road? Drema explained that the bridge isn’t made out of different material than the road, but that the bridge ices quicker because its alone, hanging there without the land under it to keep it warm.’
- ‘Sometimes I opened her sweater drawer to breathe in the traces of her scent. I knew every time I opened the drawer, more of the scent would get lost for good.’
- ‘When I started feeling morbid and empty, I felt like I was turning into a different person from the guy she fell in love with. I had no voice to talk with because she was my whole language. Without her to talk to, there was nothing to say.’
- ‘That was one of the strangest things I learned as a widower — how kind people can be.’… ‘You lose a certain kind of innocence when you experience this type of kindness. You lose your right to be a jaded cynic. You can no longer go back through the looking glass and pretend not to know what you know about kindness. It’s a defeat in a way.’ … ‘People kept showing me unreasonable kindness, inexplicable kindness, indefensible kindness. People were kind when they knew that nobody would ever notice, much less praise them for it. People were even kind when they knew I wouldn’t appreciate it. I had no idea how to live up to that kindness.’
- ‘I had a lot to learn. It was bewildering and humbling to keep discovering how many brave things people can fail to talk themselves out of doing. There are a hundred excellent ways to talk yourself out of writing a note like the one she sent me, and I’ve used them all.’
- ‘Kindness is a scarier force than cruelty, that’s for sure. Cruelty isn’t that hard to understand. … accepting all that that kindness though mad me feel stupid.’
- ‘The troubadours of our times all agree: They want to know what love is, and they want you to show them. … But the answer is simple: Love is a mix tape.’
OH, I love it. More in a bit… erika@erikaleighphotography.com
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